Gags fit for a Joker

The all-time greatest Joker belongs to Cesar Romero. Jack Nicholson's take was decent, but it was kind of emblematic of the cartoonish villains from the lame-in-retrospect '90s remakes of the vintage '60s series, and even places a distant second to the late great Heath Ledger's dark, Oscar-winning spin on the silly swindler.

Scoops Ice Cream Door Stop.

With that established, we can envision Romero's cackling Joker hanging out and surfing the net for decor for his apartment with the crooked floor. We can see him stumbling on Fred Flare and doing his "oooh hooo, oooh hooooo hoooo" laugh and maybe putting together a chain email to The Penguin and The Riddler and Egghead to tell them about two of the more recent great items - a doorstop and a float disguised as a splattered ice cream cone and a giant donut, respectively.

First up is the Scoops Ice Cream Door Stop ($18), which looks like a major-league Fail that someone just decided to leave there and move on.

You could imagine dweeby '60s Batman played by Adam West getting played big-time: "But, but, Robin, how does a melting ice cream cone keep a door from closing?!! It's amazing! Oh, hahahaha, it's just a door stop from Fred Flare! Silly Joker!" and POW! BAM! POOF! OOF! ZAM! The Joker and his goons have got em. Until our heroes easily wriggle out of the string-like ties that The Joker uses to keep them prisoner.





And just in time for the opening of the summer season there's the Gigantic Donut Pool Float ($24), an inflatable float disguised as a donut with strawberry frosting and sprinkles with a bite already chomped out of it. 

Hopefully, The Joker's makeup doesn't wash off in the water. It didn't in this scene when he and Batman had a surf-off, so he should be good to go.

Gold star, and new bag, for robot boy

Here's to you, Mr. Technology. You who carries an iPod, iPhone, iPad, iLame, iDouche, iHaveCompletelyNoConnectionToTheRealWorld and maybe even a pedometer, never looking up yet somehow managing to avoid getting plowed by a dumptruck.

I can't do anything about your slow decline into becoming a robot, but I can suggest something that can help you carry around your 5,000 devices: The Setgo Transport Urban Bag from Yanko Design, home to some pretty wild but slick stuff.

The cut shape and strategically placed pockets will make it easy for you to listen to some Bon Iver or Gotye while rapping with your bud about last night's episode of "The Walking Dead."

It almost looks like something Han Solo would wear, only 10 times less cool.

Available for $79 at Yanko.

Atari poncho: Dorkin' out in style

Not sure where you get the Pac-Man shirt. Greg Wiggle?

If you're like me you're able to relive your days of playing Atari 2600 anytime you want a) because you're a mega-dork who also happens to own an Atari T-shirt; b) because Wii or even the various versions of PlayStation, which have far superior graphics, sound and gameplay, don't do it for you and c) you have some kind of Macgyver - or more like MacGruber - set up that allows you to play Joust, Pitfall, Defender, Missile Command, Combat and all of your favorite games from back in the day.

One thing leads to another, bitches.

But playing Atari while The Fixx plays in the background and your California Raisin dolls are at your side isn't enough. You need to live it, and to live it you have to wear it, and to really wear it you have to go beyond a T-shirt, you have to go with the Retro Arcade Poncho from Perpetual Kid.

Keep cool and/or dry while wearing these plastic body covers shaped like the red and blue ghosts from "Pac-Man," better known to us nerds as Blinky and Inky, respectively.

Available for $6.99, which is more than many of the Atari cartridges cost back in the early 1980s.