Sunday, May 19, 2013

Remember WWF's "Land of 1,000 Dances," you pencil neck geek?

The question isn't "holy shit did this really happen?" or "what kind of drugs were these wrestlers, managers, personalities and musicians on while making this flick" or "could I be eternally entertained and/or make to be insane by watching this?"

It's more "could this be any more awesome"?

First of all, the choice of "Land of 1,000 Dances" for the tune off the 1985 "The Wrestling Album." Of course. Of course you would choose a tune made famous by Wilson Pickett for a track to promote an album that also had tunes by Hillbilly Jim and Junkyard Dog. Of course you would pair it with a video that employed the same format as Band Aid and USA For Africa.

Then some of the lines, many of which sadly don't seem ad-libbed. As in, someone actually thought about this. Jesse "The Body" Ventura: "I'm gonna crush you and I'll see you later." So he's gonna crush you and THEN see you later? Not the other way around? Bobby "The Brain" Heenan: "I'm gonna stretch you from here to New Jersey." Heenan was a manager, so he wasn't stretching anyone anywhere. And where was the vid recorded? What if it wasn't far from New Jersey?

And the late Adrian Adonis: "I'm gonna slice you like a French fried potato." It's the only appearance from the guy who not only played the first gay (and hated, and derided) wrestler, not only died having his head cut off in a car accident, but also served as the moniker for one of my fantasy baseball teams.

The some of the musical notes from the video:

Meat Loaf is on drums.

Cyndi Lauper, who contributes to other songs on the album, is in disguise and performing on the tune.

Rick Derringer, who wrote the awesome Hulk Hogan entrance theme, is on the geet.

Other observations:

Brutus Beefcake looks like Falco.

Don Muraco looks like Jose Canseco.

George "The Animal" Steele is pretty messed up, whether he was acting or not.

Vince McMahon is in full-on Roid rage even though he wouldn't be fully Roided for another 10 years.

Roddy Piper is either really coked up or just channeling some of the insanity that made "They Live" such a classic.

If you want some nostalgia, or want to be alternately entertained and disturbed, fire this one up.

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