Saturday, April 28, 2012

Yo, dog: You gots to chill

One of the hardest parts about being a pet owner or even a vet is that you really have no idea what a dog or a cat or an iguana is feeling. Does his tail hurt? Does he have gas? Is it really necessary for your pet weasel to have a $200,000 liver transplant when the real problem is a sore paw?

Even more difficult to gauge is how your pet feels. Maybe your pooch is bummed out that you didn't give him a bone the last three times he went out and made a spectacular doodie. Or maybe your rabbit is severely depressed because you make him live in a cage in your garage when, really, he just wants to run free all over the place BECAUSE HE'S A RABBIT..

Diagnosis: Oral fixation.
Or maybe, like most animals, the problem is anxiety, especially when you roll out of town without him.

For the time being, drug makers aren't pushing Zoloft, Prozac, Cymbalta, Profylactia, Demofartinocin, Clownpokerczac or Pez on pups or other pets (I might have made up one or more of these). And pet psychiatry hasn't quite taken off despite the efforts of this guy and other wackballs like him.

Until those things happen, there's the Separation Anxiety Preventing Pet Bed, exclusively from Hammacher Schlemmer. The bed features a mesh pocket on the exterior for holding a garment that belongs to the owner, which may or may not help with the separation anxiety and may or may not result in Rover ripping your shirt to shreds. The plush, smooth surface of the bed as well as its thick, soft interior will calm your beloved animal while you're gone.

Or he'll go berserk and help you light $69.95 on fire.
Until it arrives, play this for your pet:

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